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Sex on The First Date Does Not Make You a Slut, go ahead and Hit the Sack

Haven’t we all heard the common rule of the thumb from alleged relationship gurus dissuading women from allowing a guy dip his fingers in the cookie jar on the first date?

It is funny that despite our supposed millennial ‘wokeness’, many of us are still imbued by the subtle belief that having sex before the fourth date makes you a village bike that anyone can ride. The common excuse is that if you want a relationship with the person you are dating, then letting him into your holy of holies “too soon” is a big no!

I say it is utter bull-crap. Excruciating balderdash. Life has no manual, living too much by the book leads to a straight jacketed boring life. Be fulfilled and happy, not bitter and whining. The three-month rule that was probably coined by some lousy soul who wanted to lock us out of fun.

Beats me how we got to 2020 and still have women say things like ‘I’m making him wait because I really like him’? News flash darling, anyone who would like you less or be less inclined to be in a relationship with you on the basis that you have had sex with them is a complete and utter oaf. Your worth as a person does not rise or diminish based in your sexual mystique.

Listen ladies, you do not lose anything by having sex, if anything, a good romp has a truck load of benefits that have scientific backing. First, it lowers stress because during sex, your brain’s pleasure releases Oxytocin that boosts feelings of happiness. It also boots your immune system, lowers blood pressure , burns calories and the list goes on.

Whether you have sex on the first date or the twentieth date has literally no bearings on your morals or your character. There are people who have sex like an eclipse, once in a blue moon but are still moral charlatans. Some people who have a different partner every night are great souls who are and kind and honest.

As a woman I would take offence by anyone labeling me loose if I for chose to sleep with a man on the first date. It is a decision by two consenting adults and if anything then both parties involved have moral decadence issues, why peg names on the woman alone?

The assumption that a man will like you less after he has sex with her is also kind of unfair to men. It casts them as brainless creatures when most men are better than that. The ‘make him wait’ philosophy is completely illogical.


Let no one lie to you. If a man approaches you with a fixed mind of jumping you, it does not matter how hard to get you play, he will wait for a year if he must. By that time, your gullible naive self will be gloating to your circle of how you have met this Mr. Right who is not in a hurry, but the moment he finally has it, he will be gone faster than you can spell your maiden name.

But a man who sees more than what you carry between your legs, one who is really interested to know you for you, it will make no difference if you let him in on the first date, he will still want to keep you.

The truth many women refuse to admit but allow me have the honors of admitting on their behalf without fear of contradiction, is that we love sex just as men do or even more. It is the society that has wired us to pretend just so we seem descent.

That is why even in marriages, wives wait for their husbands to initiate sex in the bedroom while they end up suffering in silence.

So guys, if she agrees to allow you lick the drip on the first date, do not think less of her. Doing so makes you a chauvinistic fool because you equally participated in the act with her. The moment she becomes a loose woman to you, what does that make you, virgin Saint Paul?

On the other hand, if you decide to keep it from him for a while, do it for the right reasons. Do it because you are not ready and let that be an inner conviction, do not keep him waiting because you are trying to prove to him, or someone somewhere that you are decent, there is no decency there, that is a matter of choice. One of the key reasons people get into relationships is for sexual satisfaction so, enough said.

Whether or not you open the cookie jar on the first date depends on the two of you and the reasons why, every other thing is trivial. Hey, remember to protect yourselves.

What do you think?

Written by Aoko Otieno

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